Solitude..

I am a person who is very afraid of loneliness. Yet sometimes, I enjoy the solitude that comes once in a while.

These few months living away from home has made me experience both loneliness and solitude in a way I would have never expected. Lonely for being away from my family, my friends and from my usual life. Having meals alone, watching shows alone, travelling to places alone, doing my chores alone instead being the chit-chatty person who can't stop talking at home and in school. But sometimes it actually calms me when I'm alone. I somehow enjoy this learning experience. Somehow, solitude actually means independence in my own terms. Not needing to depend on other people to make my meals or to fetch me around. It actually made me feel, useful.

Indeed, many a times solitude overwhelms me and it becomes loneliness. And I start to think too much, and I start to feel depressed. Which is why I always try to find things to do when I'm alone in my room. Movies, series, music, chores...just so I can put my mind off the black hole of my mind which is sucking all the happy emotions from me.

Yet it is a pity that I have chosen to go back for my tertiary education. To leave this country to go back to the rather devastating homeland. But having these few months of once-in-a-lifetime experience has certainly toughen me up a lot and has definitely make me more matured and wiser in life. It is one crazy experience that I am grateful for :)