Expensive..

I am tired and I want to have a nap. But I'm having such a mixed feeling now that I don't know what to do next. I don't know what to type, how to express all that's in my mind now.

This time's exam really served as a lesson to me. A very expensive lesson. For the 1st time, I feel so disappointed with my performance for this exam. For the 1st time, I feel that I've wasted my time studying. I'm not gonna deny that I did study hard, but yet stupid careless mistakes and the lack of exercises really pulled down everything. It really made me reflect, since last week, that I'm not doing enough.

Am I doing enough for the trials? For SPM? I admit I'm more to the "memorising" type than the "understanding" type. I admit that I score everytime because I'm good at memorising. It sucks. Memorising sucks. I want to understand, to put what I've learnt into practice. I want to be good at the practical subjects, and not "dead" subjects like Sejarah. So what if I'm the top scorer for Sejarah? I want to ace in Physics, in Add Maths, etc.

Am I ready to accept the challenge of continuing to Form 6? It's so much about understanding but I suck at it. Now that I've screwed Physics and Add Maths for this term, silly mistakes occur for other subjects, one of it being Chemistry. And I thought I can at least depend on Chem, apparently not. Even my teacher was so surprised by the mistakes I made that she remembers them so clearly.

Now that subjects that I expected to be good turns out to be like this, I dare not think about the others. But I've prepared to receive whatever marks I will be getting, ever since sitting for Physics last week. 3 weeks wasted studying for nothing, indeed, this is an expensive lesson to me.